2021
Hell Up Cabaret

2022
Catching Rabbit

2023
Lizard's Got ...er... Talent?
We're Off To See The Lizard

2024
Fault
​
2025
Gingerella

Gingerella - April 2025

Written by: Tamara Rosenwyn
Directed by: Esther Johns
Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
Synopsis: Poor Gingerella of The Lizard spends all her days sweeping the flagstone floors of Humble Cottage and trimming her wicked stepmother's privet whilst her awful stepsisters Saffron Buns and Heather Cakes mock her!
Into the village, lunges Prince Charmin' and his posh mate Dandini with news that the King's Ball will soon be swinging! The Hairy Codmother (a budget Fairy Godmother) arrives in a fever-dream with her elongated wand tool and a slightly bruised turnip to turn into a make-do carriage with a wonky camel (courtesy of Rosuick Farm)!
Arriving at the ball, Prince Charmin' is trotting around and trying to sweep Gingerella off her feet with his seriously awful chat up lines and strange peacock mating dance.
Clever Ginger soon realises that the Prince isn't so charming with his social media obsession and modern narcissism. All he's interested in is Gingerella's popularity to gain him more followers! Gingerella has her eye on someone else, the one who really wishes to shuck her oyster, her kind and honest friend - Buttons!
As the wedding falls apart and the Prince leaves with his ponytail between his legs, Gingerella chooses the one for her and they all live happily ever after in his burnout Peugeot under the Cornish stars! A wacky, Cornish panto written entirely in poetry.

Review:

​STARS ARE BORN!

I have never considered pantomime as something for me … but as of 5th April I am converted.

LAFTA (what a wonderful acronym for a cast of people who can bring such laughter to so many) put on their unique version of the Cinderella story in early April and I am still chortling at the memory. This Gingerella version paid appropriate homage to the main character, whose hair said it all. Kay Evans, carrying the star name, was professionally good, and the rest of the cast were every bit as stellar, while the costumes in particular and the props were spectacular.

The barely disguised, naughty double-meanings had the adults in stitches (try this: “You have always been my pearl oyster and I have always wanted to shuck you”. Brilliant!) while the children happily took in the stage-business, in blissful but protected joy. The mice children themselves were too sweet for words, especially the tiniest who had to be lifted up to ask, “What about me?” What indeed!

This brings me to the power behind all this, Tamara Rosenwyn who ran the show - writing the script, creating Gingerella, brilliantly playing the outrageously camp Prince, and everything in between. Glorious! A stroke of genius was to have several of the cast move around, onto and off the stage at horse-like gallops which had us in fits. Genius!

There had been a last-minute change of venue from the Lizard Reading room to the barn at Tregullas Farm (thank you, Rhona and Neville) but the move was a blessing – the atmosphere in the barn was in perfect harmony with the performance. Piano accompaniment by David Turton was perfectly timed and never intrusive. That’s a gift in itself.

With regard to timing, pantomime is seriously demanding as there is always so much business going on. Jokes need to be delivered just right for maximum effect – and this production‘s cast and management both understood and delivered everything so very well. Even the occasional forgotten lines simply added to the fun.

The music fitted the story and the atmosphere to perfection. Well-chosen and perfectly placed, and naturally, we were all given the opportunity to sing “Little Eyes” which vies with “Trelawny” as the Cornish anthem.

Next year, play it again, please! I can’t wait to see what Tamara, the cast and crew will make of some other Lizard-themed fairy tale.

John Grierson

Fault - August 2024

​​Written & directed by: Tamara Rosenwyn
Produced by: Lizard Arts, Film & Theatre Association. All rights reserved.
Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
Light & Sound by: Annie Hills
Awards: Nominated for "Technical Achievement", Cornwall Drama Association.
Synopsis: 
Kenza Trewin returns to her childhood home, a cliff-top bungalow overlooking Kennack Sands. At 30, disillusioned with modern life, she wants to reconnect with her Cornish roots whilst grappling with the loss of her brother and best friend, Bobby, who passed away two years prior. Through self-reflection and memory, she finds herself on a quest to "lay her ghosts to rest."
As she sorts through her late grandparents' belongings, Kenza is flooded with memories of her childhood with Bobby, who was born blind. Through film, we see the games they would play as children, her trying to protect Bobby from the things she didn't want him to see because despite the joy she shared with her brother, the unspoken absence of their parents looms large. Dealing with her grief and feelings that it was her fault Bobby tragically passed, she now finds herself seeking refuge in alcohol.
Enter Mr. Skins, the new lodger - an old, eccentric, mercurial man dressed in steampunk attire. Unbeknownst to them, the Otherworld Sprites have orchestrated their meeting. As a man who understands how to un-trap snagged spirits, Mr Skins feels a calling to help free a spirit in the house, but he has no idea that this is the spirit of Kenza's deceased brother Bobby, trapped in both the serpentine stone around the house and Kenza’s guilt.
Kenza's nosy neighbor, Janet, distrusts Mr. Skins, comparing him unfavourably to his revered mother, Wenna the Pellar, a well-respected healer who didn't need "none o' these new-fangled devices" like Mr Skins' modern contraption, a battery-powered "Bicycle To The Beyond". 
​Meanwhile, the Queen of The Otherworld grows frustrated with her Sprites, who are failing to fulfill their promise of resolving the spirits’ unrest.
Through Janet's wisdom about healing and guiding spirits, Kenza and Mr. Skins realise that they can only move on when they confront their feelings of unworthiness and guilt.
This play weaves Celtic Pagan themes with earthy Cornish humour, exploring the transition of departed souls and the emotional journeys of the living. The title encapsulates both the fault lines between the spirit and mortal realms and the characters' internal conflicts, symbolised by cracks in Cornish stones that link these intertwined ‘faults.’

We're Off To See The Lizard - December 2023

​​Written/adapted by: Will Thomas
Directed by: Esther Johns
​Produced by: The Lizard Amateur Dramatics Society (now LAFTA). 
​Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
Synopsis: In a rare Cornish phenomenon, a tornado has swept Dorothy away from her home in The Lizard, transporting her to the enigmatic land of Oz. The malevolent Witch of the West, Ruana (named after Ruan Minor), is less than pleased by Dorothy's arrival, prompting both Dorothy and her loyal dog, Toto, to evade Ruana's wrath and seek a way back home, all without the aid of the 34 bus route.
Along her journey, Dorothy encounters a series of whimsical characters, including the hapless Glenda the Gormless and Beryl, the well-meaning but absent-minded witch of the Midlands, as well as charming yet bothersome little Munchkins and young witches. Eventually, she is joined by three misfits: the Scarecrow, the Lion, and the Tinman. Together, they embark on a quest to find the elusive Wizard, who is hesitant to respond to their knock, fearing an encounter with the Inland Revenue.
The adventure is punctuated by humorous interludes featuring Chubby Checker performing the "Tornado Twist Again," alongside the important investigative efforts of a simple but self-assured Sherlock Holmes and his far more qualified assistant, Dr. Watson with their mission to unravel the plot against Dorothy devised by the Wicked Witch Ruana and her rather foolish assistant.
In the end, the Wizard reveals that each of them possesses the qualities they believed they lacked: the courageous Lion, the kind-hearted Tinman, and the resourceful Scarecrow. With these revelations, Dorothy's journey concludes, allowing her to return to her Aunt Grouch in The Lizard, who has always exhibited an oddly witch-like demeanour!

Lizard's Got ...er... Talent? - April 2023

​Written by: Chris Ager and Tamara Rosenwyn
Directed by: Whole cast collaboratively
​Produced by: The Lizard Amateur Dramatics Society (now LAFTA). All rights reserved.
Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
​Content Advisory: This play contains strong language and references of a sexual nature.
Themes: An isolated village at the edge of the world, League of Gentlemen-style humor, and the concept of being trapped in time.
Synopsis:
"Lizard's Got... Er.. Talent?" is a comedic exploration of a village talent show held annually on The Lizard, which now has an exciting opportunity: a minibus is set to transport hopefuls from Cornwall to the renowned auditions for Britain’s Got Talent in England. The local group, LADS, takes on the challenge of identifying truly talented individuals to represent The Lizard on a national stage.
The show is hosted by Nobby Ender, a well-meaning but muddled elderly gentleman, alongside his naive and insecure co-host, Fanny Gurt-Licker. Fanny embarks on a personal journey of self-reflection, questioning the true meaning of talent and fame. Nobby provides a gentle Cornish perspective on the evolving world around him, confronting “exotic” and “new-age” concepts, including modern art and contemporary notions of identity. Meanwhile, Fanny struggles to find her authentic self, often resorting to imitating famous hosts and comedians in her quest for success.
The villagers showcase their unique and eccentric talents, featuring one-armed jugglers, tap-dancing plumbers, welly-boot-spinning ballerinas, cold-sea swimmers and cow-teat squirters. Each participant takes the competition seriously, eager to leave the village behind and seek fame in the vibrant metropolis of London.
In a bid to sway the audience, each performer presents a dramatized video recounting their “sob story.” Despite their lacklustre performances, the show raises questions about the nature of success in a world that often prioritizes spectacle over substance. The audience votes to determine the standout talent worthy of a seat on the village minibus, culminating in a humorous resolution where it is deemed unfair to declare one performer superior to another. The finale leaves the audience with the paradox of everyone being a "winner," yet none satisfied with the outcome.​​
Review:
​A full house saw the Saturday night performance of Lizard's Got...Er...Talent which featured acts such as The Great Stupendo, Thurston Pollock, Dawn FrenchFries and Jennifer Smugglers plus the tap dancing delights of Farrah Faucet.
The show was a fantastic blend of traditional British comedy acts interspersed with recorded video elements that had the audience heartily laughing throughout. The cast, from the Lizard Amateur Dramatic Society, performed the show with immense joy and seamlessly moved between sketches.”
Coast FM Radio Station (Penzance)

Catching Rabbit - August 2022

​Written & directed by: Tamara Rosenwyn
​Produced by:  The Lizard Amateur Dramatics Society (now LAFTA). All rights reserved.
​Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
Awards: Technical Excellence, Cornwall Drama Association.
Synopsis: Meet Rabbit, a 90-year-old man living in Mullion Residential Home, struggling to connect with his overworked carer. But Rabbit harbours a secret: he used to time-travel. Through vivid poetry, he escapes the sterile confines of his care home, returning to the double hedge between Cadgwith and The Lizard. One fateful night, under a full moon, Rabbit tumbles down a "rabbit hole of the soul," launching him into a both comical and heart-wrenching journey through his past.
In a series of poignant time-travels, we witness young Rabbit's adventures, from a poor boy lamping for rabbits on young Minnie's farm to falling head-over-welly-boot in love with her! Defying her mother, Rabbit and Minnie marry and move into a cob cottage built by his father, only to face heartbreak after losing a child. As Minnie finds herself deep into a misunderstood depression, Rabbit becomes consumed by his own struggles, oblivious to her decline.
In the 70s, Rabbit's mid-life crisis leads him to Glastonbury Festival, where he discovers a broader world, only to return to find Minnie trapped in her own despair. Through time-travel, Rabbit confronts his father’s harsh judgments and the weight of expectations placed on Minnie, ultimately understanding the bittersweet nature of his sheltered life.
In a heartfelt resolution, Rabbit reconciles with his younger self, finding forgiveness through gentle humour and humility. As he requests to see the sunset, his carer reveals a breath-taking Cornish dusk. Finally, Rabbit drifts into a deep sleep, his life’s poetry fading softly away.

Review:
CATCHING RABBIT -  LIZARD AMATEUR DRAMATIC SOCIETY 25th August 2022 - CORNWALL DRAMA ASSOCIATION

INTRODUCTION

Universal themes of love, loss and redemption form the bones of this original, highly entertaining piece concerning the life of a local Lizard man. The plot, told through his reminiscences, demands constant stage transformations as his memory flits from the present to the recent and more distant past.  The variety of the dramatisation including film, voice-overs, sound and music worked well on the whole and overcame the potential problem of time shifts which would otherwise pose difficulties for the director who must not only make it clear to the audience where we are in time during the unfolding of the story, but must also create slick and smooth scene changes so the fluidity of the action is not compromised. Another task for the director of this play in this venue - the performance space and auditorium were contained within a squarish tent - is to accommodate actors and action in a small acting space. How these challenges were overcome is detailed below.

STAGE PRESENTATION

Set: A simple stage with exits SR and SL, and the all important large screen filling the back of the area.   The acting space was framed with sumptuous draped, dark red curtains and a lighter neutral fabric joining over the top to create a proscenium arch. Wings, extending diagonally from the stage on both sides, were dressed with various rabbit themed pictures and driftwood hangings, an easel with unfinished seascape, wicker lobster pot, all illustrating the Cornish coastal background to the plot. The stage itself was covered with a patchwork of rugs and a few crates (used in various ways during the performance). Furniture was restricted to Rabbit’s armchair and a trestle table which doubled as backing in the trenches.  Small portable tables were smoothly set and struck and gave clarity to where the action was taking place.  Curved side screens extended the audience’s view of the action.  
 Set dressing included signs showing house name and a humorous ‘Trespassers’ notice, and a wicker basket for the cat. Later in the play the Care Home was delineated by signs and notices, wheelchair, table with medical and personal care accoutrements;  the kitchen of Young Rabbit’s home by a trestle table laid for supper; the wartime action by crates, hessian. It was a miracle of organisation in such a small space. The screen was used to show backdrops of cottage interiors, moonlit Cornish hedges, a church, RAF and Land Girl posters as scene setting. These were well chosen to depict place and time, as were the screen shots of harbour, vintage wallpaper and ‘flower power’ stylised patterns. Other uses of the screen are considered under ‘Special Effects’. 
Properties: These were many, well thought out and cleverly concealed until needed.  Terrific attention to detail here, with various sketches and paintings, driftwood sculptures, lobster pot, jug of scrumpy. The articulated rabbit doll was a nice touch.  The cat puppet was striking although it did appear to have a dislocated neck!  The functional wheelchair was very well managed throughout.  The table was carefully laid with cutlery, glasses and food but took a while to set and strike and possibly mime would have worked here and speeded up the ‘business’.
Personal props, like the shotgun and hurricane lamp used for ‘lamping’ rabbits; the care home staff’s sanitizing sprays, PPE, note-taking tablet; pub tankards; crutch etc were or looked all authentic. Special mention should be made of the splendid skeleton fuselage ‘worn’ by Minnie made from a laundry basket sprayed silver – a brilliant creation! Set props, like the crockery in the kitchen, cradle, lobster pot were good visually. The difficulty with some of the props, especially those for the Care Home, which were many and well-utilised during the action, was how to quickly and unobtrusively set and remove them. 
Costume: Costumes were in keeping with period, from the wartime army greatcoat and tin hat of Rabbit’s father, to the 21st century nursing uniform and PPE of the Care Home staff. The navy boiler suits for the workmen worked well, as did the hats and jerseys of Rabbit’s drinking pals, though the yellow wellies were perhaps too bright. We appreciated Minnie’s socks with her dress and she was correctly bold and bright in scarlet net or skimpy satin. The flying jacket, helmet and goggles were perfect for the ‘flying practice’ sequence. The purple velvet flares and scarf with beads for Young Rabbit were redolent of 1970’s hippy culture. We loved the fat suit for Young Rabbit’s mother, ‘Mum’: her flowery dress with enormous bum padding was a visual treat.  So was the turban headscarf and giant hair curler for Minnie’s mother. The decision to give Old Rabbit a dressing gown and slippers for his last days, and wellies and sheepskin lined jacket with flat cap for his recent past was understandable and helpful to the audience, but those many changes seemed to be quite time consuming and sometimes interrupted the flow of the narrative. Perhaps it might have been quicker to just put the jacket on over the dressing gown (tucking the latter into the shorts if necessary?) and bare feet in the care home. And for the actor to have dressed himself. We could see that having him dressed by others shows the helplessness of old age, but it also demanded extra bodies on stage and may have slowed the action down. Formal BBC reporter attire worked well, as did Rabbit’s father’s rather grey ‘family supper’ clothes – those of a grey and disappointed man. The secretary’s black trouser suit and sharp boots with tan polo neck sweater reeked of the efficiency she aspired to as did the capri pants, stiletto heels and loose jacket of the new yuppie ‘home owner’. In all the costumes were well chosen for character and period.
Makeup: Was was natural and entirely suited to the characters and lighting.
Lighting, Sound and Special Effects: The lighting was sufficient to illuminate the stage in the small tent, although the halogen lamp down stage left was quite intrusive from the audience’s sight lines. Gentle solo guitar music provided good links to the action and the voiceovers were at the right level.  The SFX were on the whole well timed and chosen to enhance effectively the sense of place and mood. The telephone, motorbike, train and WWII fighter plane were all evocative and in keeping with the scenes where they were used. At ‘Glastonbury’ we liked the choice of ‘Spirit in the Sky’ and ‘Black Magic Woman’ which took those of us of a certain age straight back to our own youthful adolescence! 
The back projection was used extensively and very well for a variety of purposes. The combination of scenery and superimposed, moving silhouettes used to set the scene and to convey a visual interpretation of some Voice Over pieces was extremely effective, and we liked very much the slightly ‘Monty Pythonesque’ use of cartoonish characters when talking about the height of the Lizard inhabitants! The archive film of farming and other vintage local Cornish footage was such a good idea in the same vein, and it was clever to include those film snippets apparently ‘period’ but starring the actors. We loved the journey in the VW van to Glastonbury (or at least as far as Redruth) with its subtitles, and thought this new extra dialogue, expanded version on stage improved upon the original script. It was very funny! So were the choices of daytime TV shows – though some excerpts seemed a little too long – they were humorous with the sting of reality! We applaud the ambitious and imaginative use of sound and special filmic effects throughout the performance.

STAGE DIRECTION

An excellent script, thoughtfully written with terrific wit and humour and directed at the local audience who absolutely loved it.  The technical presentation was extremely clever and so imaginative.  The plot was clearly developed and sympathy with the main character was immediate. As the story unfolded, tensions and anticipation were cleverly nurtured and built up, so that by the end we had a fuller understanding of all the frustrations and hopes and disappointments felt by each of the main protagonists.  It was already all there in the script, but this was interpreted in full by the director. (An advantage of both writing and producing a piece!) The scene changes – many and rapid – could have been effected more smoothly, and some SFX and acting cues could have been quicker, but this is not to detract from the overall pace of the play, which was good: never flagging but allowing the audience time to assimilate the shifts in time and place which were essential to the unfolding tale. We felt that perhaps a little more time could have been spent on the actors to ensure their cueing and delivery lived up to the splendid effects we were enjoying.  Given it was the first night and only the second complete run through, your cast worked hard, but there were gaps in cueing and the pace flagged a little towards the end.  The prompt needed to be faster and louder to maintain the drive of the play.  We saw excellent teamwork from a group of talented people who will surely go from strength to strength in future productions.

INDIVIDUAL PERFORMANCE

Jimmy Johns - Old Rabbit/Old Cornish man: A restrained and convincing performance from this actor as the old man re-living and trying to make sense of his conflicting memories of an ordinary/extraordinary life. Though his delivery was at times rather slow, and cues could have been better paced, we could clearly see both the helpless elderly man he had become, and the personality he had been. His eccentricities were well portrayed, as were his deliberate, slightly hesitant ‘old-person’ movements. He moved very well round the stage and maintained an excellent stillness when observing action going on around him. He showed good vocal range in the ‘angry’ outbursts at his earlier self, and judged timing for humour well. His poetic musings were nicely spoken. His Old Cornish man was a nice foil to the character of the wife in the cameo filmed role.
Tamara Stidwell -Secretary/Minnie/Rabbit’s mother: This actor has a fine range of acting skills and good stage presence. As the bright, breezy Secretary tapping away on her iPad, her pace, attack and accent were exactly right.  It was a good start to the play to see her energy as the ‘would-be-efficient’ Sarah, with crisp movement and diction, and some excellent facial expressions. She brought out the fey, dreamy Minnie with all her high hopes eventually dashed. We sympathised with the yearning desire of a young woman, trapped by place and time, to fly free of her restrictions, and her frustrations at the inevitability of her subjection to circumstance.  From ‘naughty minx’ to free spirit to her escape into drunkenness, her development and decline were utterly believable.  Rabbit’s mother was a lovely caricature both physically with her waddle and gesture, and emotionally as the doting but perplexed parent, a lovely comic performance full of life and malapropism, delivered to perfection.Altogether a really good set of performances.


Jerry Watson -Workman 1/Cornish Bloke 1/Jeffry Jeffries: Some pleasing cameos from this actor, who donned different accents, well maintained both in the Cornish and the BBC reporter style, as well as costume. The drunken Cornish Bloke act was nicely judged to fall the right side of farce, and pauses for laughter were well timed. His BBC reporter was a nice smooth contrast to his fellow commentator, and his disappointment at not getting the required responses from Young Rabbit was beautifully evident. A good supporting performance.


Chris Ager -Workman 2/Roger Rogers: A performance with pace and attack, and some nicely annoying mannerisms as the unctuous announcer who speaks energetically and with extremely clear diction – really rather full of himself. It was good to see those same traits in the ‘piece to camera’ where the same character commented on the various rural pursuits and interviewed the old Cornish couple. A confident actor with very good stage presence.  


Mee-Chell Trewin - Homeowner/Mrs Martin: A lovely performance as the strutting ‘up country’ new owner of Old Rabbit’s home. Good stance and movement, good strident voice – the epitome of the arrogant second-home-for-AirB&B type of yuppie. As Minnie’s mother she showed a range of emotions which underlined the complexity of this small but important part of the parent who is angry with, yet fears for, her daughter; is conscious of her place in society and of anyone or anything that might imperil it. A believable character indeed.


Esther Johns - Sandra the Carer: Good movement and facial expressions from this actor who showed us a Carer who is more concerned with ticking the boxes on her interminable forms than with recognising the individuality of the clients/patients she helps. The listing of drugs, the careless gesture placing the sensory toy on his lap, the constant tapping of the tablet, together with the resigned look, all spoke of a good mix of kindness and sympathy combined with the tired life of a carer - so true to life.  She could work on projecting a little more and creating a little more energy in performance.Good comic timing – especially reading out the birthday card messages.


James Thirlaway-Price - Cornish Bloke 2/Young Rabbit: This actor showed excellent timing as the drunken Cornish man with the accident on the ‘double ’edge’: the story was funny and he timed the pauses well to maximise the laughs. As Young Rabbit, we saw a sincere performance here of a young man coping with his hard life and the troubles of his beloved wife Minnie.  He managed to convey the hopes and stoicism of the character and demonstrate a good range of emotion in his interactions with Minnie and with his father. A quiet yet determined would-be poet who is also a dab hand at ‘lamping’, this was a rounded character we found completely credible, and one we could believe would turn into the man Old Rabbit would become. 


Nutty Noah (Martin Ellis)-Bobby: A lovely little cameo here: good story telling in dialogue with Young Rabbit – great interaction and deadpan humour, very wryly funny with a pleasing sense of the ridiculous.


Jo Lyne - Old Cornish woman: Good delivery with an impassive expression that belies the Cornish maid in her strength of character – and right hook! A small role but nicely memorable.


Jonathan Clare - Father/John: An important role since it helps to explain Rabbit’s feelings of inadequacy, when he is reviled as a son no-one could be proud of. This was a quiet, powerful performance as Rabbit’s Father as we gradually came to realise the cause of his attitude towards his son through the war scenes.  One point, don’t use the injured arm to rest the chin! Well done for showing us both the frustrated father’s irritation and the war survivor’s guilt horror without overdoing either.


Pupeteer for Mooky Moo: A quick mention for that most difficult of tasks – being on stage but seeming not to be! Great cat handling!!


ENDEAVOUR, ORIGINALITY & ATTAINMENT

A clever, well-crafted script, brought to the stage by a new company of players. An ambitious debut performance in an unusual venue. The audience loved it, and the cast deserved their prolonged applause at the end. Clearly the work of a dedicated team, led by the creativity of the writer/director. Our congratulations to cast and crew for creating something so innovative and for rising to the challenge of the complicated technical demands of the play.
Well done to everyone, thank you for a delightful evening, we look forward to being invited to your next production. 

Hell-Up Cabaret - December 2021

Overview:
Originally titled The Goes Wrong Cabaret, this production has been renamed to avoid conflicts with the well-known and copyrighted “Goes Wrong” brand.
Written by: Chris Ager and Tamara Rosenwyn
Directed by: Tamara Rosenwyn
Produced by: The Lizard Amateur Dramatics Society (now LAFTA). All rights reserved.
Props & Costume by: Gillian Higgs
Content Advisory: This play contains strong language and references of a sexual nature.
Synopsis:
Hell Up Cabaret marks the inaugural production of the Lizard Amateur Dramatics Society. Set against the backdrop of a village revue, the play opens with Domestic Daphne, the village hall cleaner, who has always aspired to be a dancer. She engages the audience with a heartfelt performance reflecting on her career, lamenting her role as a cleaner who can only dust the stage rather than perform on it.
Next, we meet the comedic duo, Elf and Safety, who are determined to address any health and safety concerns that might threaten the cast or audience. Through song and dance, they humorously critique the extremes of political correctness, offering guidance on safely executing seasonal traditions—such as correctly pulling a Christmas cracker while wearing a hard hat and adhering to proper GDPR protocols for letters addressed to Father Christmas.
The proceedings are interrupted by the brash compere, Bruce Balding, who is primarily focused on maximizing profits from the annual Christmas cabaret. Bruce promotes local sponsors and intersperses each act with tongue-in-cheek advertisements for various businesses, oblivious to the double entendres present in these amusing promotions, such as the bush-trimming wonders of Darren’s Garden Maintenance.
The main act features Jenna and Jimmy, cast as Mr. and Mrs. Claus for the children. However, costume confusion ensues: Jimmy, an older gentleman, mistakenly arrives in a provocative Mrs. Claus outfit, while Jenna dons an oversized Father Christmas costume, complete with a fake pot-belly and beard, sourced from a charity shop. Frustration mounts as Bruce Balding watches Jenna and Jimmy struggle with their roles, including the distribution of Christmas raffle prizes. Domestic Daphne, yearning for the spotlight, comically confuses herself with a child, reflecting on her childhood dreams.
The play includes various fictional charitable organisations, such as the Wonky Donkey Sanctuary. There are also sketches throughout such as a whimsical performance by Mariah Carehome, who performs acrobatics with a zimmer frame, and a sketch titled “Who Do You Think You Aren’t?” which adds to the chaos as one of the main actors goes missing, prompting the cast to select an audience member to read the lines.
As the production spirals into disarray, Elf and Safety repeatedly rush in, attempting to enforce health and safety regulations. Jenna and Jimmy are unable to fulfil their responsibilities, and each sketch is plagued by absurd technical mishaps and moral dilemmas. Ultimately, Domestic Daphne succumbs to intoxication, collapsing onto the raffle table as gifts are comically hurled into the audience, all while Bruce Balding watches in exasperation.